Where to begin? This is a staple in the realm of sports comedies. It’s funny every single time. It’s got a great cast. It’s also about one of the greatest sports ever to grace this sweet place we call earth. The sport that doesn’t build character; it reveals it. It’s a sport not for the faint of heart. That’s right. Dodgeball.
It’s probably the greatest depiction of any underdog story ever portrayed on the silver screen if I’m being completely unbiased. The Average Joe’s Gymnasium, led by the down-on-his-luck struggling business owner, Peter LaFleur (Vince Vaugh). His rival, White Goodman (Ben Stiller) just happens to own the nicest gym in town, Globo Gym. And they just happen to be right across the street from Average Joe’s. Average Joe’s Gym needs $50,000 in order to keep their gym from going into foreclosure. Otherwise Goodman is going to turn it into a parking structure for his gym. Then a golden opportunity drops straight from the clouds, the ADAA Las Vegas International Dodgeball Open. Average Joe’s Gym forms a team and signs up for the local qualifier, which is their only way to qualify for the tournament in Las Vegas. They initially lose the match, in embarrassing fashion. But it happens one of the Girl Scouts on the opposing team (Troop 417) tested positive for anabolic steroids, which by rule meant a disqualification. The Average Joe’s were in. Hey it was by disqualification, but a win is a win, technically. Later that night, while they were reveling in their victory at a local bar, White Goodman comes in, flocked with a gang of superior looking humans with names like Taser, Blazer, Laser and all kinds of “azers”. Turns out, Globo Gym has formed a dodgeball team, the Globe Gym Purple Cobras. They leave, but not before showcasing a glimpse of their prowess with rubber balls. One of the Purple Cobras, (Fran Stalinovskovichdavidovitchsky) a Romanovian dodgeball champion may or may not have killed a man in the process. The famed Patches O’Houlihan (ADAA 7-time All-Star) was in the bar when this happens and came out to talk to LaFleur about what dodgeball is really like, deciding to coach the team in the process. The Average Joe’s players find out the lawyer who was assigned to Goodman’s transaction of Average Joe’s Gym, Kate Veatch (Christine Taylor), has a cannon of an arm, and Peter convinces her to join the team. They’re set. And now we’re off to Vegas.
32 teams, but only one will touch glory. Now this for me, is when the movie truly starts. If it were up to me, they would’ve done the first half of the movie in about 11 minutes, in order for there to be enough screen-time to truly enjoy the Las Vegas Open. That’s my only real beef with this movie. And I don’t really understand why there isn’t as much actual dodgeball going on. Don’t get me wrong, it’s fantastic. But this movie was already reaching kind of far, and it was either going to be stupidly successful, or it would fizzle like a dying star into the abyss. So why not make it an extra 30-45 minutes? It’s not like the runtime of the movie would throw people off, if they weren’t already thrown off by the movie itself. I guess they didn’t want to have an extra 30-45 in case it did flop, but my point is it wouldn’t have flopped because it was a two hour plus dodgeball movie. It would’ve flopped because people weren’t interested in a dodgeball movie. Like I said, only real complaint. But back to the good stuff.
This movie feels like if a 69 joke and a “that’s what she said” joke had kids. This would be the baby, and it’s glorious. It’s at times so ridiculous, but that’s what makes it work. ESPN 8 “the ocho” was the most brilliant thing ESPN ever did (including ESPN’s creation itself). I don’t event bother watching any of the other ESPN channels. Why would you need to? Who wants to hear Stephen A. Smith keep saying delusional stuff and then backtrack every five seconds when Cotton and Pepper offer true intellectual insight in an electric capacity. Never settle ladies and gentlemen.
The actual Las Vegas Open feels more real than a lot of other sporting events I’ve seen before. The arena looks exactly like what you’d imagine a professional dodgeball arena to look like, and it’s perfect. They had the greatest referee in the history of sports, and you never once saw him miss a call. The NBA and NFL should take notice.
The most underrated aspect of this movie in my opinion is the wardrobe. You can hate the Purple Cobras all you want, but they had the sweetest tracksuits that ever graced this planet. Average Joe’s even had some pretty sweet warm-ups with a very classic feel. But the best part is all the other teams, whether it be the Lumberjacks decked out in log cabin apparel or Skillz that Killz rocking velvet jumpsuits. The single greatest moment in the movie might be when the Average Joe’s can’t find their actual uniforms, so they have to wear the stuff that looks like it just came straight from an adult superstore.
This movie succeeds in essentially every way. It makes you feel like when you turn it off, you could flip the channel to ESPN 8 “the ocho” and catch some late-night ADAA action. It just feels too good to be true. It’s a shame, because it really is too good to be true. Only in a perfect world does a tournament like this take place. But hey, if I ever become a millionaire, I would definitely make something like this happen. It really would be a win-win for everyone involved.
This movie is like a movie great movie with a terrible trailer. It’s very annoying, because you can’t quite see it, but it’s absolutely spectacular. That’s this review. I’m not doing this movie a lot of credit, but that’s because it’s just so great. It’s almost hard to try an encapsulate only a few great moments from this movie, because there’s a ton. Every turn is something funnier or more ridiculous than the one before. It’s just one of those things you need to do for yourself. Is is the best sports movie of all-time? Maybe. It’s up there. It isn’t gonna win any Oscars, but since when does that actually resinate with how good a movie/actor is. Leonardo DiCaprio is the best actor out there, and he only has one. It’s extremely flawed to say the very least. But even if you don’t like sports, this movie can be for you. It’s not a generic sports movie. It’s an obscure sports movie; the best kind.
This movie made me want to play professional dodgeball, and it still gets me excited every time. The humor is incredible, the characters are imperfectly perfect and it feels like an actual sporting event is being televised, not just a movie. I may be biased, because dodgeball is probably my favorite sport/game but this one sits high with me. I give this one a 94/100. It needed an extra 30-45 minutes, but it’s still absolutely incredible. The real question is how are there no other movies about dodgeball? It makes absolutely no sense.
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